REMEMBERING

Its hard to believe 11 years ago at this time most of us, HOURS after it happened were still reeling in shock.  Many of us were numb with emotion at what we had horridly witnessed unfold.  Many were frantically searching for loved ones, already knowing deep in their hearts they were gone.  

I can very vividly remember that day.  I had awoken to make sure the kids all got off to school and then had gone back to bed. I had a migraine and it was one of my worse ones. I took 4 Ibuprofen, turned the phone ringer down, and eventually fell back to sleep.  I awoke at roughly 1 p.m. still groggy but my migraine all but gone.  I went to the kitchen to get something to drink and noticed the messages on the answering machine...all 23 of them!!!! I flew to the phone in a panic that something was wrong with one of my kids.  It was my, now ex, husband.  He is an over the road truck driver and had left the night before. I don't remember the exact details of his messages but it was enough to make me fly to the TV and flip it on....

I stood for over an hour in the middle of my living room, tears rolling down my face, at what i was watching.  At some point I found my way to a chair and that's where i was when the kids came home.  I don't think the TV moved from that channel over the course of the next few days.  We had just been to NYC a few weeks before with a group of summer exchange students.  The NYC they saw...was now..forever changed.

I can not imagine, even today, the anguish, the fear, the gut wrenching, heart-breaking pain of what every New Yorker felt that day.  Especially those who had loved ones in the Twin Towers and surrounding buildings.  The people themselves who knew their lives were ending.   Those who had family and friends on the 3 doomed flights.  Those who had loves ones in the Pentagon.   And those who had loved ones who were the most heroic of all.   Those men and women who ran INTO the disaster zone to help and never returned.

Our world, our lives, have been forever changed by the events of that day.  A day we now refer to as "9/11".  Not only did they NYC skyline change, but our way of life changed.  We no longer live thinking we are "safe" from terrorists.  We no longer can carry a bottle of water onto an airplane.  And for a few short months after the attacks...our country was more united then it had been in a very long time.  Flags of all sizes were FLYING off the shelves. 

For the men and women who spent MONTHS going through the wreckage of the Twin Towers, I can not IMAGINE the horrible memories that they carry with them.  I can remember going to NYC just a few weeks after it all happened. You could not get close enough to see anything.  But after the holidays we went back again and could get to the street the towers once stood on.  I could have stood there all day my face against the fence...just watching..and hoping for an amazing miracle.  I can remember a group of firefighters walking past..looking so beaten, so exhausted.  I just wanted to reach out and hug them.  To let them know that we all felt their pain.  

And once a year we remember that day, we reflect.  But shouldn't we be remembering everyday?  Shouldn't our country be united everyday and not just for a few months after a horrible tragedy?  People now fight and argue over what is to be done with the items from the wreckage and the space surrounding where the Towers once stood.  Is that how we want to honor all the people who's lives were taken in such a horrific way?  Is that how we want to honor all the people who dug for MONTHS to find remains? 

We can not change the events of that day.  But we can change what we do, say, and think.  As we remember and reflect on the past let us not forget to do the same about our future. 

CAN"T GET IT BACK

I have many thoughts tonight.  And I can't seem to settle them long enough to get any of them to make sense.  Its like someone let loose a whole box of super balls (remember those? those little balls that could fly in 500 directions in what seemed like all at one time?!).  I hate days like this.  When I feel like I should be doing something and yet can't seem to find the energy to do anything because my thoughts are consuming every ounce of energy left in me.

My day started at 4:30 a.m. with the blaring of my husbands alarm. An hour later, my alarm went off.  As is my habit, I reached for my phone to check my messages.  My children are never far from my mind and I need to make sure they were not in some horrible accident in the middle of the night and needed me. (Yes, I know, they were more then likely in their beds sleeping.  But I'm a mom..worry is part of our internal working system when it comes to our children) And it was one of those morning where I wish I had forgotten to look.  

The first message was from a friend asking me to keep HER friend in prayer as her 21 yr old had OD'd on heroin and died over the weekend.  Monday morning is off to a bang.  On to message number two.  From my cousin in OH.  Her step-children's maternal grandmother is in the hospital.  Her cancer has returned and has spread.  It doesn't look good.

After I am ready for work I shoot a reply back to the first message. What do you say except "I'm sorry and I will pray".  Next, I reply to my cousin..this hits a little more closer to home. Because Grandma has so lovingly embraced all of us..including me, my husband and my two daughters.  Even though there is no blood relation..she treats us like family.  

I spend my day in a fog.  Life is so precious.  And yet much of life, much of the people in our lives, are taken for granted.  We assume they will always be there.  Never giving much thought to how quickly that can change.  How do we become so busy and so self centered that we forget what is really important?

I often think back to when time seemed so much simpler.  Mom's were home focusing their complete attention to their families and homes.  Neighbor's knew each other and helped each other out.  Families gathered on Sunday's to relax and enjoy one another's company.  The grocery stores, shopping malls, even the gas station was closed on Sunday.  Little boys ran to the playground to catch a  pick up game of baseball or football.  Little girls pushed their dolls in their strollers down the sidewalk.  And mom didn't have to worry about their safety.  

Times are so different now.  Pick up games of football and baseball have been traded for the computer or video game system.  Most mom's work.  Stores and malls are now open on Sunday's and many gas stations are open 24/7.  Families no longer gather to enjoy each others company.  Neighbors, many times, don't even know each other.  

What do you say to a mom who has to bury a child who died because of a bad decision?  What do you say to a woman dying way too young?  

As today draws to an end, I pray that each of us can take some time and reflect on what is really important.  Don't take for granted you will have time.  Yesterday is gone.  And tomorrow may never come.  

SOMETIMES YOU JUST WANNA SLAP SOMEONE

It has been one of those days.  Ok, weeks.  Wellll...maybe its more like months!! (with the emphasis on the plural!)  My extremely long day was made complete by the woman who is notorious for refusing to walk down a flight of steps from the second floor to the first floor.  Daily...the elevator will stop at the second floor where she enters...regardless of how packed it already is.  Did I mention this is not a petite woman???  Today when the doors refused to stay shut, SHE did not get off...I did.  All the while resisting my urge to smack her upside the head with my lunch bag upon exit!!! 

Sadly it seems some days life is a constant flow of people like this.  They just have NOOOO clue! And we, the nice, polite, respectful people must endure them.  And why?  Sometimes I want to be the NOT so nice person.  But I know I would not be happy for very long being not nice.  

There is a great deal of satisfaction in knowing you have done right.  Whether its being respectful of elders, making smart choices, helping another, or just being polite.  It is sad that many of these things are lost on many people.  

So when I go to bed tonight I can rest peaceful knowing I was nice and DID NOT smack that woman with my lunch bag!!  :)

NEW

Well, I have finally done it.  Many will think I am crazy.  But those who know me best, KNOW i tend to do crazy things.  It keeps life interesting, haha! I have started a blog!! I have no idea how often I will write, or if anyone will even care to read it.  But until you do something, you will never know the outcome.

Much like life is...we ponder, we speculate, we ponder some more, we dwell on the "what if", and many of us will ultimately talk ourselves right out of doing something before we even get started.  And then we never know, 100% for sure, if we really would have failed.  

Failure, the reason many of us talk ourselves out of doing something.  Fear of failure.  Now I realize I am not getting paid to sit here and blog away.  So I really do not have anything to lose.  Except knowing if anyone will even care to read what I have to write.  

So if by chance you care to follow me along, please feel free.  I do not know how often I will write.  And I am thinking maybe I should attach some kind of disclaimer! LOL!  But hopefully some of you will find what I have to say interesting, and I am sure some of you will not. 

My first attempt at putting my words out there...we shall see how it goes :)