I have many thoughts tonight. And I can't seem to settle them long enough to get any of them to make sense. Its like someone let loose a whole box of super balls (remember those? those little balls that could fly in 500 directions in what seemed like all at one time?!). I hate days like this. When I feel like I should be doing something and yet can't seem to find the energy to do anything because my thoughts are consuming every ounce of energy left in me.
My day started at 4:30 a.m. with the blaring of my husbands alarm. An hour later, my alarm went off. As is my habit, I reached for my phone to check my messages. My children are never far from my mind and I need to make sure they were not in some horrible accident in the middle of the night and needed me. (Yes, I know, they were more then likely in their beds sleeping. But I'm a mom..worry is part of our internal working system when it comes to our children) And it was one of those morning where I wish I had forgotten to look.
The first message was from a friend asking me to keep HER friend in prayer as her 21 yr old had OD'd on heroin and died over the weekend. Monday morning is off to a bang. On to message number two. From my cousin in OH. Her step-children's maternal grandmother is in the hospital. Her cancer has returned and has spread. It doesn't look good.
After I am ready for work I shoot a reply back to the first message. What do you say except "I'm sorry and I will pray". Next, I reply to my cousin..this hits a little more closer to home. Because Grandma has so lovingly embraced all of us..including me, my husband and my two daughters. Even though there is no blood relation..she treats us like family.
I spend my day in a fog. Life is so precious. And yet much of life, much of the people in our lives, are taken for granted. We assume they will always be there. Never giving much thought to how quickly that can change. How do we become so busy and so self centered that we forget what is really important?
I often think back to when time seemed so much simpler. Mom's were home focusing their complete attention to their families and homes. Neighbor's knew each other and helped each other out. Families gathered on Sunday's to relax and enjoy one another's company. The grocery stores, shopping malls, even the gas station was closed on Sunday. Little boys ran to the playground to catch a pick up game of baseball or football. Little girls pushed their dolls in their strollers down the sidewalk. And mom didn't have to worry about their safety.
Times are so different now. Pick up games of football and baseball have been traded for the computer or video game system. Most mom's work. Stores and malls are now open on Sunday's and many gas stations are open 24/7. Families no longer gather to enjoy each others company. Neighbors, many times, don't even know each other.
What do you say to a mom who has to bury a child who died because of a bad decision? What do you say to a woman dying way too young?
As today draws to an end, I pray that each of us can take some time and reflect on what is really important. Don't take for granted you will have time. Yesterday is gone. And tomorrow may never come.
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